Babies and Heartache

In 2012 my family was richly blessed with babies.  First Emma had her first child Ezra in March and about that time was when Sarah announced that she was pregnant.  Then we found out one of our Aunts was also going to have a baby.  Sarah's baby Dallin was born a week before Christmas and our new cousin Greyson was born a week before him.  We have never had this many children born in one year.  We also have never had so many boys.  Our parents have six daughters and no sons and now they have four grandsons and no granddaughters.  My dad jokes that the man who could have no sons now has only grandsons.  In the case of 1st cousins, a decade ago we only had three male cousins and now that number has doubled.

I was at Sarah's house a couple days after Dallin was born when I realized how blessed we were. Then I realized how much heartache we had all experienced before we could come to this point. Sarah has a very severe case of Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) and she did not eat for six months.  She had a PICC line to keep her hydrated and alive.  She went through the same thing during her pregnancy with her twin boys four years previously.  Pregnancy is not only a physical hardship but an emotional nightmare.  Emma may not have had these problems but she had a miscarriage before Ezra was born. As for myself, I'm not married and I don't intend to have children until I am no matter how much I want them.

I told Sarah that all three of us had experienced heartache in the area of having children and that it has brought us closer together.  We are not bitter because one has something the other doesn't.  I am the oldest and I'm not bitter that my younger sisters have husbands and children.  I instead focus on the joy of having nephews and they like being around me.  I'm still close to my sisters and I'm good friends with my brothers-in-law.  Indulging in bitterness would only take away from my time enjoying my family.  My heart still aches but there is nothing like holding or playing with a baby to ease that ache away.